okay ive been so emotionally stressed out for so long its just kind've become apart of me, and i know thats not healthy. well ya know what im not healthy for that matter. not physically especially, and definately not healthy for other people to be around.

im sick and tired of people telling me im something that im not. i know what i am and ive realized it so you people should too. ive realized that ive been putting on a 'fake smile' for the past couple of weeks and its driving me crazy! im sick of feeling like i hafta please people by being something that im not.

guilt has really gotten to me lately and i feel absolutely miserable. im not what some people think i am. i have more bad then good stuff about me. i feel like i hafta lie just to make sure people wont be all "whats wrong" all the time. i hate it when people feel sorry for me and thats what it feels like when they continously ask me whats wrong. and if i tell some people some stuff ive been lying about lately then it seems like they'll judge me because everytime i mention bad stuff about me or bad stuff i do it seems like the whole fuckin' world is judging me which adds extra emotional stress. im not perfect and im never going to be so just fucking leave me alone.

blah okay im really not feeling that grand and i know a whole lot of people are gonna take this personally because they think every fucking thing is about them. [davey i know your reading this and i am not talking about you. just people in general].

yes well now that ive typed out this pointless and unimportant rant/entry im going to go and sleep before i do something ill regret..again.