as you all know i am in desperate need of a vehicle.
i asked joel where i could get one the cheapest and he suggested a police auction.
i told dave and he thought that it was a brilliant idea.
[*gasp* dave...thinks that joel has a brilliant idea?!]
i didn't even have to ask dave if he would take me.
he volunteered himself by saying "find out when and where and WE can go.."
i was thrilled.
i love it when he shows me that he cares about me and my future.
i am pretty sure that dave's mom thinks that i will never amount to anything.
i'm sure his whole family thinks that.
that's fine.
it will be even more eventful when i prove them wrong at my college graduation. :]
although, i wonder why dave's mom must know everything.
see if my parents overreacted whenever i told them shit, my parents wouldn't know a damn thing!
he keeps running to her though and i just want to trip him. heh.
it's 1am and there is no casey.
where are you casey?

i heard that amber is mad at me because she thinks that i am mad at her for not going to the hot dog place over a week ago.
okay well whatever that's lame.
i wasn't mad i was sad because i miss her all of the time.
to get pissed at me for that is stupid and i just don't care.
i also heard that she was all upset because i shouldn't be upset because me and dave didn't show that one time at perkins.
well i'm not going to remind her that one time during the summer her parents had taken apart her jeep to where she couldnt drive it so me and dave cancelled plans to pick her up and once we got there she said "oh they put it back together...cya!" and drove to morgans.
yeah that friggin' made me mad but i didn't say anything to anyone ever.
i'm not mad over the times that made me mad before.
i am a little irritated that she is mad though.
i think that this anger thing is a confusing mess and we should just hug trees, make chai tea, and make up.
not give a fuck about any of the past stupidness and be best friends in sock feet.

haha. she's online now. :)
i am so happy.
look at me happy. weeeeee.
i miss dave though but i'm not going to think about it any longer.
i am just going to go with what is happening now not what i think should be happening.
i need to get undepressed and amber is the cure i do believe.
also getting a car, a job, and gahhh okay i'm doing it again.
no more thinking ashley! be brain dead!

i wish that i could take up yoga.
how relaxing.
i wish that i could get a doctor too.
how nice would that be?
i also wish that someone didn't "steal" my identity.
i honestly don't think that it was stolen and that it was just a mistake.
everyone was making a big deal about it so i freaked out when i didn't need to.

it's odd.
i am okay now but i still have that tingly feeling that i get when i want to cut.
dave would be so mad at me right now. :[
i hate that i am so dependent on him but who wouldn't be?
he's so wonderful.

amber's parents are leaving for a week againnnn.
yesyesyesyesyes.
that is the most fun ever being over there.
we think a like and get no sleep and play board games and be stupid!
yesyesyesyesyesyes.
this is so lengthy but i am the only one who reads it so oh well!

dave's grandma and dad were talking to dave telling him that they would pay me to take care of her.
it's just so hard for me right now.
i bet if i don't they will be like "she has no reason to not now unless she just doesn't care about her!"
i could honestly seeing that as an issue and having dave's dad side hate me like dave's mom's side does.
stupid me for caring in the first place.
it never works out like it should.
people are never thankful for what i do but beg for more.
i am sick of it!
i am a tiny 18 year old who is homeless.
you think that i am up for taking care of someone else?
don't get me wrong..i love her to death but PLEASE drop it!
have i not made myself perfectly clear?
i.dont.want.to.live.there.
it's not her. it's not that i'm not getting paid. it's that the place is disgusting.
that's honestly what it is.
i can't live there. no friggin' way!

*sigh* i am just not going to worry about it and talk to amber. :)