amber came by randomly to bring back the rest of my stuff.
i knew that whenever she would bring it back it would be raining.
i almost expected her to leave it outside to soak.
well she didnt and i was there and felt akward.
i still feel akward.
it's like going out to eat with graham or joel.
oh yeah we went out to eat lol.
she offered to get me stuff and i was like no way!
she apologized but i think that i am over whatever this was.
to me, it was not really a friendship.
well, not at the very end anyways.
when i left i said "i will see ya...or something".
i honestly have no plans of seeing her.
she makes them then i will probably show.
other than that..nope.
not planning anything with her or inviting her to planned events with others.
they have all told me how they feel about this knew amber and i am still in complete agreement.

i do have to say that she was right about that sandwich.
gross.
haha. i feel bad for her now though because she was so hungry.
i love her to death as the person that i once knew.
now she is different and i am sad.
it's as if she had died.
i do miss her..the old her..not this her that gets upset over everything.

i almost cut yesterday.
stupid me.
i didnt and i felt proud.
i just get overwhelmed about my mom and she shouldnt be hurting blahblahblah.
i talked to her last night and i felt relieved.
i felt better knowing that my sister is equally depressed as i am about all of this.
dad is in denial and believes that she will live.
heather is with me on this when i say that she wont make it another year.
if i ever wanted my dad to be right this is the time.

i want to call dave but tyler is on the phone.
no credit card company will let me get a credit card.
i might have to get one with the student thing but the APR % is outrageous.
sheesh.

i miss dave more than anything.
i am sure that we will be together on wednesday so it all works out. :)